Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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