U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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