There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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