Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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