just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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