i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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