you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
