You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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