I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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