K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
