grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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