I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
