Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
