just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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