dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
