Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
