How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
