I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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