We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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