she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
