You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize