Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
