Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
