I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
