i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
