we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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