I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
