I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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