I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
