I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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