She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
