Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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