piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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