Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
