Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
