you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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