You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
