Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
