Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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