he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
