If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
