When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
