and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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