They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
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You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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