We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
