I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
