the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
