You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
