God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
