This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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