Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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