I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
