Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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