And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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