Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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