Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
