Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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