it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
