I wanna passion pit in your ass
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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