woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
