just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
