True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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