woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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