Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
