K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
