just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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