just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS