So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
