I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
