Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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