I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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