At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
