Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
