remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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