You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
