Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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